Mommy ADD

Dr Jekyll and Little Miss Hyde

Parenting my daughter is much like parenting two different kids. On one hand, I have her when her meds are in her system. This girl I can relate to. She has the ability to follow directions (and even chooses to do so), she is helpful around the house and only pushes her brothers buttons a few times a day, instead of a few times every 15 minutes.

Then there are the times without her meds.

She makes terrible decisions, she messes with her brother at every given opportunity (and if there are enough opps, she will make them up), she is cantankerous and proud of it. It makes me want to become an alcoholic, but since I am allergic to alcohol, this poses a special problem. How to you handle it when your kid had these two distinct persona in the same day?

My biggest fear/frustration with this situation is trying to keep my patience during the non-med times. I don't want her to ever think that she isn't loved or that she is only liked when she is medicated.

This being said, it's pretty damn hard to maintain this happy attitude when she looks us in the eye and does the opposite of what she should with a smile on her face. This is what makes my blood pressure spike – that knowledge that she makes a conscious decision to make the wrong decision.

These are the types of situations that make it vital for my husband and I to be on our A game at all times.

I also have to work really hard to give her opportunities to make the right decisions while she is off her meds (like right before bed) so that she knows that she is capable of making the right decision. This means setting up situations (even if they are fake) and then coaching her into making the right decision. This helps to build her self esteem and realize that she can do the right thing.

Mornings are the toughest right now. During the school year, we give her her meds and then let her go back to sleep. This way, her meds have kicked in before it's time to get ready for school. This has been crucial for having a successful morning.

Because we are on summer vacation (and because mom doesn't want to get up early, because she is a night owl), mornings now are my least favorite time. They include such fun things as my daughter stomping by her brother's room to wake him up (“But mom, I was just walking by!), tapping on walls to startle him awake – basically any type of passive aggressive method you can think of.
School starts back up soon, and with it will be the return of our regular routine, but until then I will continue to pull the princess into my room into the mornings so that I am the only one who has to deal with her behavior.

If you have a kid on meds, do you experience this too?

Give yourself something to look forward to

As a completely overwhelmed, sick, too busy mom, I realized what was keeping my one little shred of sanity. It's having something to look forward to.

I don't mean something big, like a vacation, though that certainly helps. Right now, money is tough, so I look forward to weekend evenings when my husband and I play free online poker. It's fun, it's free and I enjoy it. We also have something brewing that I cannot mention yet, but suffice it to say that it gives me something to possibly look forward to. Not only that, but is a good mind blank - a good way to have something outside of my norm to think about.

This made me think about how important it is for ALL moms, but especially moms of kids with special needs. We have soooooo much going on all the time, that it is crucial that we give our brains a break.

Joan Celebi, of the Special Needs Parent Coach, addressed this today too. She recommends starting small and putting yourself first - read the entire entry here, and you should because she discussed a personal action plan. 

So, I have my ::something:: in place - do you?

And so it begins...

That's right, school is finally here. The backpacks are packed, the teacher notes are emailed, the supplies are purchased (in triplicate, no less) and the kids will be going to bed soon so they will be ready for their first day of school.

So why do I feel like my head is going to explode from overwhelm?

I mean, I know what I need to do to monitor my kids school stuff. I know how to help them with behavior management techniques. But I'm not sure if it's enough and that worries me.

I know this is normal, but still. What if they fall behind? What if their meds don't work (a real possibility for the old man)? What if I bother the teacher? What if they have social issues? What if, what if, what if?

Now is the true test, when all our skills will be tried and tested. When we have to put our money where our mouths are. When...wait, I don't really have any more played out sports metaphors to insert here.

Basically, I'm a little nervous. The Princess will have homework for the first time. The Old Man will most likely have more homework than I'm used to. I know I can do it, but....still. It's scary!!! :)