Is your kid ODD?

And no, I don't mean odd, though it probably fits. I mean Oppositional Defiance Disorder.

I have suspected that the Princess has had it for a while, but with the way things have gone the past week, we have officially left the realm of *possibly* and stepped fully into holyhellthissucksandwhoisthischild.

The thing that make ODD so difficult (other than getting the OPP song stuck in my head) is that traditional behavioral mod techniques do. not. work.

She doesn't care if she loses a privilege, oh well. Sitting in Time Out? No biggie, I'll just scrape at the wall.

So, the biggest question becomes this - what do you do when nothing works. What do you do when you go to punish then and they smile and laugh in your face?

I'm curious what you do, so leave it in the comments. I'll be posting tips later! :)

Comments

[Diane]

yes, my daughter was diagnosed ODD just under 10 years ago along with ADD. I have had to roll with the punches and change it up all the time. The best things have been as she has gotten older and has plans to do something, those plans can be dependent on her behavior. When she was younger I felt like a terrible mother that could not control my child. Dad is active duty Navy so he is in and out (thankfully close to retirement). It is difficult to find what will make her think before she acts. A lot of talking now that she's a young teen. Sometimes it helps, sometimes it doesn't. Time limits for getting chores done or she does not get to spend the night at her BFF's. Those sorts of things.

[Alana Morales, Author Domestically Challenged]

Thanks for the comment! We do the same, but even that doesn't work. We had to cancel her horseback lessons this week and she was upset about it for about 7 minutes. We'll keep working at it! :)

[Diane]

Yes, it makes you wonder, doesn't it? I had my therapist say that these types of kids, however, grow into the ones that can help make the big changes if we can help them focus their energies. I have been trying to work with her with yoga and running this summer. We'll see if it helps in the long run. Right now I can not tell.

[Margit Crane]

Taking away stuff just perpetuates a power struggle that ODD kids are willing to wait out! They have more endurance than parents, though we try to disprove this.

My experience is that ODD and ADD/ADHD kids need a lot of attention and time and this ticks off parents who resent that THIS CHILD is so different.

Imagine if your child were hit by a car. You wouldn't hesitate to give him/her attention. The time you put in now, just spending time together and getting to know him/her will pay off later. Play more, control less.

We parents get stuck in this idea that we have to control their behavior or they'll be failures. The truth is, after a certain point, we can't control at all. Ask her what she thinks are reasonable rules. For instance, I used to ask, "How many times do you think I should have to ask you to do X?" The answer would be something like, "10" or "25" or "twice". I'd ask, "So when I get to 10/25/twice, you'll do your homework?" "yes" okay, cool. And then I'd do it. It's not a big deal and they usually stop before hand. We need to give our kids a "play area" - you can play around in here and I'll play with you. But you can't play outside the area - it's not safe and safety is the parent's domain.

I know this is easier said than done. I know it's hard work and it will probably require you to give up a good deal of your time. But it will also be less stressful in the long run.

Margit Crane

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