So, how do you deal with the attitude?

Now, before I begin, I have to say this. I LOVE my kids. I really, really do. Still, I do not GET where their recent attitudes have come from. Actually, I'm pretty sure that it is somehow related to MY attitude, but I digress.

My daughter, the one who we are watching for ODD (and no, not just being odd, but oppositional defiance disorder), I get. She lives for attitude. She is giving me practice for when she is in puberty and the attitude manifests itself like one of those dinosaurs you put in water. One day its a little cute dino. The next day, it was swelled to 52 times its size and could bite your head off.

No, the issue comes from my son. He is still empethetic. He still does well in school . But now, he has attitude. And not just a little. A. LOT.

Today I made him stand in time out for at least 20 minutes and he wasn't phased in the least. When I have asked him to do something, he looks at me and does whatever he wants to. o_O

All I want to know is - who is this kid and where did my regular kid go?

I try to blame it on the sleep issues, which after one busted med attempt isn't any better than it was months ago. Then I think "Oh, he's getting older, that's what it is."

Then I remember that if I had talked to my mom like that, she woulda slapped the taste out of my mouth. I still don't taste everything as it is, I'm sure.

This doesn't help me. I am becoming angry, and from a mom who prides herself on her patience, this is not a good thing. 

I am yelling more, which I do not like. I am saying things that I do not like, just because it gets his attention (sometimes). I am frustrated on a regular basis and I can't do this. I have a stressful enough life without being stressed about something like this.

So, readers, I ask you - how do you prevent getting angry and how do you deal with the 'tude?

Comments

[Diane]

We see a therapist who helps us with parenting techniques and marriage helpers. Not perfect, but does help with the continuity of patience and consistency in consequences (both positive and negative).

[sara]

Buddhism, baby. No, seriously. It's how I deal. I just try to stay in the moment and minimize his (and my and the Husband's) suffering. Sounds simple, and it is. Sometimes it works; sometimes I fail, but it keeps me (relatively) sane.

[Amie Stuart]

Not sure this helps but the doc told me that ADHD boys get it from mom and vice versa (for the record, both boys and I are diagnosed and I have to say it's been wonderful. My oldest is sixteen and we -- so far; knock on wood -- are getting along so much better. It's like we have the patience to deal with one another now. It's not perfect but we're working on it!)

My youngest son sounds like your son-old soul, almost scary smart, but definitely has his father's OCD tendencies. Granted, as a writer, I acknowledge my own OCD tendencies, but not like those two LOL

Anyway, not sure I'm any help. FWIW the oldest is the one who is defiant usually. And at his age, I think discipline is more difficult. I will say this--I think sometimes you just have to call their bluff! (and hit 'em where it hurts--if you can find it).

Otherwise, I wish I had some sound advice for you but I'm glad I found your blog!

[Alana Morales, Author of Domestically Challenged]

Thanks guys!!

We have tried the counseling and while I like it, I just some days feel like the strategies we've been given don't work. I am also a teacher, and if I weren't I seriously don't know how I would survive. :)

I LOVE the idea of staying in the moment - I need to do, what I like to call, woosaw (and if you have seen Bad Boys II, you will know what I am talking about. LOL

This is just one of those things that I NEED to be able to take a step back from and take a deep cleansing breath. Or a glass (or two) of wine. ;)

[Gina Pera]

I feel your pain - and would have felt the same pain from my little spitfire Italian momma. The yardstick would come out, and it would be off to the races. Literally -- chasing me around the house! :-)

If this is a sudden change, I'd look at physical factors if you've already covered the psychological bases ("personalities" at school, "issues" at home, etc).

So often we assume that because they're children or teens, it has to be some behavioral/development passage that they will grow out of, and maybe sometimes that's true. It's important to remember that teens are undergoing massive restructuring of the brain, in response to hormonal changes. (Maybe your boy isn't a teen? I didn't see a reference to age.)

But sometimes they simply aren't getting what they need -- from their food, from their sleep, from their exercise and playtime. Modern life is really wreaking havoc with all our brains, IMHO. Our biology just hasn't evolved fast enough to keep up with the dietary changes, technology, etc.

For example, when my husband used to show actual withdrawal symptoms from video games (irritability, grandiosity, rudeness, etc.), I pointed it out to him. Fortunately, he agreed with my observations. There are no video games in our house now. Paying attention to that symptom -- and doing something about it -- has made his life wholly healthier and happier.

In any case, I don't think patience is always a good thing. Sometimes too much patience with a child means indulging red-flag behavior.

Good luck sorting things out!

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Modern life is really wreaking havoc with all our brains, IMHO.