Does ADD/ADHD = Special Needs?

So, this has been a bad ADD/ADHD week. And by bad, I mean completely kicking my ass six ways from Sunday - or however that stupid phrase goes.

Where to begin? The week started off with us getting the kids to bed too late, so they have been tired and anyone who has ADD kids knows that tired kids lead to major meltdowns. The Princess had a MAJOR meltdown yesterday, complete with throwing toys down the hallway and breaking a necklace.

For the Old Man, we had taken him off his meds to see if it helped his anxiety/paranoia. In short, he tanked. I met with his ALP (gifted) teacher and found out that he has been lying about assignments and that he has a ton of stuff to make up. Not only this, but he is COMPLETELY disorganized. He had notebooks in the wrong spot, he had papers in the wrong spot and the kicker was that it was all in the same classroom! And he still couldn't keep track.

I have also come to a decision that he will need to begin using an Alphasmart. No matter how much we try, he writes Sanscrit or with his toes - I haven't determined yet. It also takes him forever to write. It just seems to make sense for me to make this a little more simple. 

Pair this with the anxiety issues that won't be fixed until we can get him to the psychiatrist next month.

At our counseling appointment today, I was discussing how messy our house is and how tough it is for me to get dinner on the table on a regular basis. Then I started thinking about it. I have two VERY high maintenance kids that require constant attention. I know it's not diabetes, or god forbid anything more serious, but it's still a tough gig.

But is it enough to consider us a "special needs" family? It's not that I'm looking for a label or anything, because trust me, we have enough of them in our family. But maybe it would help me to put things into better perspective. I don't know. I just have so much guilt over the cleaning and cooking that maybe if I did more research I would find more viable solutions.

Any thoughts?

Comments

[Scatteredmom]

I work as a special ed para, and it was hard for me to wrap my head around the whole "special needs" thing when talking about my son. (who is gifted, learning disabled, and dyspraxic) At one point Jake asked me point and when I said no, he replied,

"Special needs just means that I need something different. I learn differently. I use a computer for school. I think differently. Some things that kids do easily, I need help with. I AM special needs."

It does give you an entirely different perspective. It's not about what they can't do, just that they need to do it differently.

[Lisa Hale]

Oh Geez! I feel your pain. :) As a special ed teacher I have worked with my share of ADD/ADHD students over the years. Coming home and doing homework is hard enough for the kid w/o attention issues. But when you throw in the ADD/ADHD it can be torture!! Some kids are simply DONE after school and the mere thought of more work is VERY stressful. Not only do you have to manage that, you also have to get dinner on the table. Yikes.

Here's what I have to say. Things CAN be done at school to help organize your son. Whether it's special folders/filing system, color coding...get creative. Maybe too your son can have a homework check off list and when he completes a certain percentage of assignments he can get a reward. The key is to BREAK down the work so he does not get overwhelmed. LISTEN to your child. Give him a chance to talk about what is stressful for him, what he thinks he can do well and what he needs help with. Then ask him what he thinks can be done. These kids are so often reminded by adults that they aren't doing school right. They know this already...they need emotional support in addition to structure, structure, structure.

About home...do you have a structured routine? If not, think about establishing one. This can help wonders! They know what to expect and they find comfort in that. Build in time for them to play or just be. This is SO important. Write your routine down on a huge poster and let them see that they have free time devoted to doing anything they want and that there is a specific time arranged for homework.

I could go on and on. Start simple with a few minor changes, but stick with them. CONSISTENCY is KEY!

I'm attaching a link here to a Whrrl presentation I made a while back and I'm posting another one on my blog next week about how to "Jazz Up Homework Time".

http://whrrl.com/experience/story/18288830?wref=per_1_4_ttl&sharer=18288823

(you might have to cut and paste that into the search)

Good Luck!

[Mary]

Don't be so hard on yourself. No one expects you, your kids or your house to be perfect. Decide what your minimum standard is and then let go of the guilt even on the days you don't meet the minimum. You are raising great kids. That's hard work. Give yourself a break my friend.