Mommy ADD

Issue of the day: Reading and skipping/guessing at words

One thing I have been really proud about since school started is how I have kept up on homework. I realize it's only been 7 days, but still, you have to take your little victories where you can.

Last year, Princess was in Title 1 reading for part of the year. I had a hard time with this - I mean, I'm an English teacher and I have a daughter with a reading problem? She really benefitted from the program and is a pretty strong reader now.

When she can concentrate. :)

Last week, we began our reading with a Teacher From the Black Lagoon series. If you have never seen one of these books, they have great illustrations...unless you have ADD.

As we read, I literally had to redirect her on about every other word. I didn't want to give up the book (I am trying to teach her to finish what she starts), but damn. She would read a word or two, then ramble on and on and on about the pictures.

Another thing I noticed was that she had a tendency to start mumbling when she started to lost interest. Then, she would either only say 1/2 the word or would just guess the word without reading any of the letters.

Needless to say, as a teacher, this was more than a little frustrating.

Because of this, I have been pointing out every word to make sure she reads it correctly and stopping her as many times as it takes. I also try to give her time to look at and comment on the pictures (OK, after this sentence, you can tell me about that).

It's a loooooooong process, but it's what I have to do.

I'm wondering, what reading struggles have you faced? How are you combating them? Leave it in the comments! :)

 

Do you model behavior for your kids?

As you probably already know, our little adhd kiddos sometimes don't know exactly how to act. If they are like mine, they a lot of times don't know how to act. LOL

One tactic that is working well with The Princess is modeling. When I talk to her about a particular behavior, we discuss what she should do. For example, one place we do modeling is with social situation at school.

She has a hard time finding friends to play with, so we talk about what she can say and do. It goes something like this:

Me: So, what do you say when you need to find a friend to play with?

Princess: <blank stare?

Me: You find kids who are doing something you want to do and you say "Hi, my name is Princess, can I play?"

At this point, I make her practice saying the words.

It may seem silly, but you have to remember that our kids have a hard time relating to others and may not know what to say.

Other situations I have done modeling with:

• Talking to the teacher
• Apologizing to sibling/parent
• Answering phone
• Finding someone to sit with at lunch
• Asking someone to a birthday party

So, the question is - do you model behavior for your children? In what situations? Leave it in the comments! :)

504 Meeting Prep

Today we have our first 504 meeting at the new school. This is very daunting to me, because I am so used to everyone knowing our kids. I joked with the school counselor that the meeting shouldn't take too long, but in hindsight this is probably not true. How can it be? I have a lot to tell them.

To get ready, the first thing I did was get my kids ADD binders cleaned out. I made sure I had all of their accommodation plans available, their test scores and notes from the previous year. This meant I had to find the binders.

Once I did, it took me about 35 minutes to update everything. The next step was to make a list of questions. These were to guide the meeting and determine what my kids need and how the school and I could provide them.

One of the things you may want to include on this list is the social aspect of school. For example, I need to know if my kids are interacting with other kids while they are at school, since they both have a tendency to be shy.

Here are some other things I put on my list:

• Testing accomodations
• Tippy stool - for the Princess
• Extended homework time - only as needed
• School --> Home communication

I think for me, the communication factor is one of the most important. I need to know what is going on with my kid. I can't help them if I don't know I need to.

Later, I'll tackle a bunch of different accomodations separately to help you know what to look for.

So, I will post an update to report how it went and things I think are important to keep in mind. Remember, you are your child's best advocate!!

 

How do YOU prep for 504/IEP meetings? What area do you need help with? Leave it in the comments! :)

Is your kid ODD?

And no, I don't mean odd, though it probably fits. I mean Oppositional Defiance Disorder.

I have suspected that the Princess has had it for a while, but with the way things have gone the past week, we have officially left the realm of *possibly* and stepped fully into holyhellthissucksandwhoisthischild.

The thing that make ODD so difficult (other than getting the OPP song stuck in my head) is that traditional behavioral mod techniques do. not. work.

She doesn't care if she loses a privilege, oh well. Sitting in Time Out? No biggie, I'll just scrape at the wall.

So, the biggest question becomes this - what do you do when nothing works. What do you do when you go to punish then and they smile and laugh in your face?

I'm curious what you do, so leave it in the comments. I'll be posting tips later! :)

Dr Jekyll and Little Miss Hyde

Parenting my daughter is much like parenting two different kids. On one hand, I have her when her meds are in her system. This girl I can relate to. She has the ability to follow directions (and even chooses to do so), she is helpful around the house and only pushes her brothers buttons a few times a day, instead of a few times every 15 minutes.

Then there are the times without her meds.

She makes terrible decisions, she messes with her brother at every given opportunity (and if there are enough opps, she will make them up), she is cantankerous and proud of it. It makes me want to become an alcoholic, but since I am allergic to alcohol, this poses a special problem. How to you handle it when your kid had these two distinct persona in the same day?

My biggest fear/frustration with this situation is trying to keep my patience during the non-med times. I don't want her to ever think that she isn't loved or that she is only liked when she is medicated.

This being said, it's pretty damn hard to maintain this happy attitude when she looks us in the eye and does the opposite of what she should with a smile on her face. This is what makes my blood pressure spike – that knowledge that she makes a conscious decision to make the wrong decision.

These are the types of situations that make it vital for my husband and I to be on our A game at all times.

I also have to work really hard to give her opportunities to make the right decisions while she is off her meds (like right before bed) so that she knows that she is capable of making the right decision. This means setting up situations (even if they are fake) and then coaching her into making the right decision. This helps to build her self esteem and realize that she can do the right thing.

Mornings are the toughest right now. During the school year, we give her her meds and then let her go back to sleep. This way, her meds have kicked in before it's time to get ready for school. This has been crucial for having a successful morning.

Because we are on summer vacation (and because mom doesn't want to get up early, because she is a night owl), mornings now are my least favorite time. They include such fun things as my daughter stomping by her brother's room to wake him up (“But mom, I was just walking by!), tapping on walls to startle him awake – basically any type of passive aggressive method you can think of.
School starts back up soon, and with it will be the return of our regular routine, but until then I will continue to pull the princess into my room into the mornings so that I am the only one who has to deal with her behavior.

If you have a kid on meds, do you experience this too?

Sleepwalking? You can't be serious?

Because apparently having ADHD and ODD wasn't enough. The princess likes to keep us on our toes, which translates to "mom and dad will not get a full night of sleep."

You see, it all started a few nights ago with the Princess waking us up shortly after she fell asleep. It took a few days for us to realize what was happening - the walking aimlessly, the closed eyes, the incoherent sleep.

She was sleepwalking.

It was bad one night, where she pulled something out of her closet, seemingly just so she could try and walk on it. It happened to be a playground ball and that didn't end very well.

We tried to gently put her back to bed each time, but that is a pretty hard task when you have a kid screaming things like "No!" and "Okay, I'll get it!" and "fjdkal;fdjiofqwerfhn."

So, now we can deal with the anger issues with a few less hours of sleep. Sounds fun, I know. :)

PS - If you are experiencing this as well, here are a few sites to check out:

ADD/Sleepwalking

Sleepwalking

"You medicate your child?"

Man, I really hate that question.

Yes, I willingly medicate my children. Don't judge me for it. If I had a kid who had diabetes or epiliesy, you wouldn't say anything about me giving my kid a medication, but because it is for ADHD, you question me.

I get this sentiment from family members, colleagues and even complete strangers. Trust me, I have done my research on this. My kids being able to focus and get good grades in school and to me, that is what is important.

You are at my house when the princesses meds wear off and she is having a meltdown and throwing stuff at me and her brother and she is trying to kick a hole in the wall. You are there when the old man has a meltdown because he doesn't understand why he has so much trouble concentrating when other kids don't.

With over a decade of classroom experience, I have seen what can happen to a kid who needs to be medicated and isn't. I have also seen what happens when a kid who needs meds, gets them. Trust me, you don't want to be the parent who could have helped your child, but didn't because you are against the idea of medication. It's not worth it educationally.

So, yes, I medicate my kids on a daily basis and I am completely at peace with the decision.

***

How do you deal with this question? Please share! :)

Appt #2 with the psychiatrist...and why I am learning patience

So, Friday we had another appointment with the child psychiatrist. I wasn't sure what to expect, since our first appointment was very different from my expectations. I have to say, I was very pleasantly surprised.

I was prepared to have to switch doctors if necessary. I'm glad I didn't. This time around, there was more chatting about the behavior issues at hand, which seem to flip flop every time. One time its the old man, next it's the princess.

So, mom has officially learned to be patient with situations. Patience is especially important when dealing with ADHD and sometimes I can't seem to remember that. Yet another mantra I need to engrave on my brain...LOL

I'll have a post later about the princess and the ODD - we are going to see if we can get a med situation to help limit the issues. This is a tough decision for me, because I am already getting "suggestions" from family members about the kids being on meds, which is a conversation for a different time.

Every minute. Of every hour. Of every day.

The princess takes a lot of work. A. Lot.

Sometimes I make the mistake of taking my eye off her. Not in public, because then she would run (and she has). I sometimes make the mistake of thinking she is doing something that isn't destructive - like the time she painted the bathroom counters with toothpaste.

You would think that I would have learned my lesson. Apparently not.

Yesterday I was grading papers. Yes, on a Sunday, which goes against one of my cardinal rules of teaching. The princess was finishing up her meds and she was having a tough time. Then she was quiet.

Blissfully quiet. And that should have been my first clue.

I thought she was just reading books in her room. I should have known better. This morning I discovered coloring. On the walls. On the door. In the closet. In crayon. In pen. In permanent marker.

Yeah. It was that type of morning.

What I have to learn about her is that she can't be left alone like that. Yes, other kids can, but she isn't like other kids. And I cant let my guard down for even a minute, because if I do, there is NO telling what might happen.

*Pictures of her artwork will be posted tomorrow, especially since I have to buy a new magic eraser to clean the walls. :)

Three Tips For...End of Semester Review

If you have a child in middle or high school, the end of the semester can be a stressful time for you both. Before we get the feedback of final grades, our ADHD kiddos need to make it through final exams.

Final exams pose a special problem for our kids. It asks them to recall information from the entire course of the semester, organize study materials and time efficiently and then do well on timed tests. Here are three tips to help your child through final exams.

1. Look at those accommodations. If your child is already on a 504 or IEP plan, look at what accommodations you have in place for testing. Even if your child hasn't needed them throughout the semester, you may want to consider making them take advantage of them during testing time.

If your student isn't already on an accommodation plan, talk with the individual teacher(s). Many will be more than willing to make adaptations to help your child, especially if you have been in contact with them and working with them all semester.

Some possible modifications are: smaller testing group, extended time, or a reader for test questions. Modifications can be as simple as a fidget toy or chewing gum during the exam.

If you ask for an accommodation to be made, please make sure you are being reasonable. The purpose of an accommodation is to level the playing field, not give your child an advantage.

2. Begin reviewing early. Once you know when finals are, sit down with your student to come up with a review plan, then help them to implement it. Make sure you pay attention to the subjects that need more time and review and plan accordingly.

Another way to help your child is to review with them. You can test them, either by asking them questions or helping them actively review. Help them make charts diagrams, graphs - anything that will help them conceptualize the concepts and ideas they need to remember.

3. Talk with the teacher. Once you have a game plan, make sure you have all the materials your child needs to review. If you are missing anything (or suspect you are) contact the teacher asap. Don't wait until the day before the final to ask about a concept your child is having trouble grasping - ask early.

If you are finding that your child needs extra help, email the teacher about tutoring. Many teachers hand out a review packet as well - make sure your child has one and if they are prone to losing things, ask the teacher for an extra. This will save a huge headache when it's the day before a final and your child can't find their review packet.

Finals is a stressful, but necessary time in every student's educational career. Work hard to help your student develop the skills they will need to make it through this time successfully. It will take a bit of work, but it will pay off in the long run.

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Alana Morales is the author of Domestically Challenged: A Working Mom’s Survival Guide to Becoming a Stay at Home Mom. You can learn more about her at www.AlanaMorales.com. You can also follow her on Twitter at www.Twitter.com/alanamorales for mom and ADHD tips. Do you have an ADHD/ADD educational issue you would like to see addressed? If so, please email me at info@mommyadd.com and I will try to feature it in a new column or on my blog at www.MommyADD.com.